Accepting yourself is not loving yourself- Part 2

Written by Coach Kim

Edited by Kristine Sultmanis

Welcome to the second part of the article “Accepting yourself is not loving yourself”. I hope the first part has allowed you to see the many ways you can learn to accept yourself. As mentioned previously, this can take years of work but when you get there you will feel like new horizons are opening and the sky is the limit. When you learn to love yourself, you will undergo a different type of journey. A journey more about celebrating the person that you are and less about self-discovery. As I took on this journey two years ago I have reached a level of personal life satisfaction that I never experienced before. I now focus my energy on being the best version of myself and have learned many valuable tips along the way. Here are a few ways you can navigate your self discovery journey and maximize the process:

1-Practicing meditation. Meditation is a practice where an individual uses a technique – such as mindfulness, or focusing the mind on a particular object, thought, or activity – to train attention and awareness, and achieve a mentally clear and emotionally calm and stable state.[1] Meditation has been shown to improve emotional health, self-awareness, attention span and intuition. However, the benefits of meditation aren't achieved overnight. Meditation is like any sport; you need to practice before you feel comfortable doing it and can really get in touch with yourself. I remember the first time I attended a group meditation I couldn’t sit still, and I felt tingling in my arms and legs. I was not able to concentrate and hated it. Many years later I gave it another try and although I couldn’t reach a deep level of meditation, I wasn’t uncomfortable doing it anymore. I kept practicing and now I can experience the greatest emotional journey through a meditation.

2- Manifesting your wishes. Did you know that you can manifest anything you want in your life? Manifesting or also known as law of attraction is being able to create that reality in your head and make it real. It is transmutation of thought into its physical equivalent. If you can see it, you can have it. Want to manifest love, abundance, happiness, etc? Close your eyes and create that life you want in your mind. Each time you are alone relive it in your head, don’t let any doubts come between you and your vision.

3-Building a vision for your future. Now that you accept yourself and you know your strengths and weaknesses, you can envision long term plan on how you want your life to unveil. You have understood that you have full power over your destiny and only you can stop you from succeeding. You can write down your goals, draw your vision or just make a mental image of what you want your future to look like.

4- Stay active and do physical activities. Keeping your body active is part of showing love toward yourself. You don’t need to train for a marathon or enter a body weight competition if this isn’t your passion. It can be as simple as taking walks and discovering new places. When you move your body, it also is beneficial for your mind. Being active has many advantages: it improves physical health and quality of life, it improves psychological well-being, it increases your energy levels, it helps you manage your weight, and it promotes better sleep.

5-Learn to love to be alone. This sounds so easy, but believe me it isn’t. Been alone often mean you have to confront who you are. It means going on dates with yourself and have fun. It means reaching a level of comfort where you can be alone anywhere. This includes being able to walk into a room full of people you don’t know and never feel bad that you arrived alone. To become more comfortable, you have to accept and love yourself. Start viewing yourself as your own best friend. Show yourself the same love and compassion as you would with your friend. For more information about dating yourself: check out the article on my blog!

6-Find what you are passionate about and don’t be scared to explore new passions. Life gets busy and we often forget what make us really happy. When I separated few years ago, I was looking for an activity to do with my kids while on a budget. We started to explore the trails around our town and quickly discover that this was something we all enjoyed and that made us feel safe and happy. Since then we have discovered a passion for visiting new trails all over the province. The Webster's dictionary describes Passion as " a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept". As we grow up responsibilities often take most of our time and it is easy to forget what we are passionate about. Don’t be scared to try new things and check in with yourself to see how you really feel about these new experiences. It is important to keep in mind that what made you happy 5 years ago may not make you happy now as you change, what you are passionate about may too. Just never stop being passionate. You can always find something to be passionate about!

7-Embrace any chance you have to work on yourself. Self-development programs are now accessible to all, with the numerous learning platforms available online. The key though, is finding the right one for you. You could buy 10,000 courses, but if these courses don’t fulfill a learning needs then it wouldn’t mean more than certificates on a wall. When you learn to know your weaknesses, your strengths and your interest you can take on self-development workshop or course that matter to you and will benefit your life. I just registered for a Mindfulness Certification because I feel that I need to live more in the present. I feel that this will not only make me a better person but will help me deal with anxiety better. I also believe it will help me be a better coach so I can teach what I have learned. Do you see how one certificate/course I choose will help me grow in more than one way? This only comes when you know yourself and have a clear picture of your life and how you want to impact it.

8-The school of life and continuing learning. In everything that happen in life I believe we can learn something and grow from it. You experience life lessons everyday without knowing it. Don’t be afraid to question your life and analyze what lessons life is trying to teach you. When you face challenges or problems take time to analyze what life is telling you. How can you grow from this experience? Write down in your journal your analysis and feelings. Then go back and read what you wrote. This may cause you to see new meanings that you didn't see before. Write these down. The analysis of the situation and your reaction to it will help you grow.

9-Share the love you have for yourself with others. Now that you actually feel love for yourself, people will start to feel it too. Love is contagious. In my opinion you can’t teach what you don’t preach. By loving myself and loving others I am showing my kids that it is good to love and accept people as they are. Because I love myself, I believe I am a better mom, sister, friend and partner.

10- Work on your relationship with yourself and others. Relationship require work. This applies to every relationship even the one you have with yourself. Once you learn to love yourself, you still need to continue nurturing and developing that relationship. Continue to learn new things about yourself and cherishing your unique qualities. Life is full of ups and downs. Something that I tell my clients is, " The low don’t cancel the highs, it just propels you higher". During these downs, you will have to put more conscious effort into maintaining your relationships. Especially, the one with yourself. Take into consideration that the relationship you have with yourself is the longest you will ever have. It is important to make sure it is stable and strong. As a Certified Relationship Coach, I have developed programs to better support my clients with their relationship goals and desires. Many people come to me wanting to improve their relationships with others, but very few realize the value in working on their relationship with themselves. After adding a "relationship with yourself" component, I noticed that my clients are better equipped to work on their relationship with others.

Learning to love and continue to love yourself is a wonderful, deep journey that you will be ongoing for the rest of your life. This article shows you a few ways to help you navigate your journey, but there are many other things you can be doing. If this is something you are interested in and passionate about, there are many book, workshops and resources available online. If you are curious about my Self-Discovery or Relationship programs, you can see them at kimandkristinecoaching.com. If you are ready to embark the adventure with a captain by your side (coach) please do not hesitate to contact me.

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meditation