How Judging Others Stops you From Moving Forward

Written by Coach Kim

Edited by Kristine Sultmanis

Do you consider yourself to be judgmental? Everyone I asked said they are not judgemental. The reality is, we have all judged someone at least once in our life. At some point, we may also have felt judged and suffered from it. Assuming things about others seems to be part of human nature. Have you ever stopped for a minute to think about where your judgemental ideas come from?

Here are few things that may affect how you judge a person or a situation:

Leave the past in the past. Too often we judge someone based on a past experience we had with them. Imagine that the first day you met a new co-worker, she/he was rude and did not listen to you. You may find yourself judging this person and think this is not the kind of person you would want to hang with because they are not friendly. If you stop and think about the situation, this event does not mean the person is not friendly. You may have just caught them at a bad time. The person may have felt overwhelmed on the first day at work. The stress and overload of information may have projected someone as cold, when in fact this person may be the sweetest co-worker you will ever have the pleasure of working with. Don’t assume from past experience that you know the person. It is easy to get hung up on little things when meeting someone for the first time. Instead of using the little tidbits of information to form assumptions about someone, be curious. Learn to let go and give a chance for people to show their true colours.

Form your own opinions. The best way to create a non-judgemental attitude is to listen to what others are saying. The message coming out of the telephone game is rarely good. Do not take others’ experience as a reference point to create your own opinion. The story you heard from your friend may have come from another friend and so on. The perceived reality of the situation is by then far from what the reality really is. Make your own opinion based on your experience. I always say, “I can’t be mad at someone for something they did to someone else.”

Learn their story. I always say, “if you haven’t walk in my shoes you can’t judge me.” If you have never been betrayed, you most likely will not understand someone that has been and is now having difficulty to open to others. In your perspective, this person may seem hard to approach and cold, but in fact this person is only protecting themself from feeling hurt and rejected. Our limiting beliefs are personal and deeply anchor in our core. It can take years to overcome limiting beliefs and a lot of self awareness to be able to dig into painful memories. We all have a story that is unique to us. Be open to hearing their story.

They are not you. You may have remarkably high expectations for yourself but you cannot expect others to have the same for themselves. This is important to understand that I am not talking about accepting to be friends with people that don’t share your values. You should only surround yourself with people that portray the same values than you and love you for who you are. I am talking about judging others because they don’t share the same passion, vision and desire for success as you do. If your co-worker is happy in his/her current role they may not want to apply for the manager position. This doesn’t mean they have no ambition; it means their current situation suits them and make them happy.

We have now established some situations that potentially can create judgement. Did you know that when you judge someone you are hurting yourself more than you are hurting others? In fact, judging others has a negative effect on your personal well-being.

● Judging stops you from creating meaningful connections. If you create a wall of judgement, you make it difficult for new people to enter your life. You may be missing an opportunity to connect with someone that could change your life forever in the best way.

● Judging sends negative vibes to the universe. Have you ever heard of Law of Attraction? What you project in the universe is bond to come back in your life. If you judge people, you will be judged. Be the force of love and acceptance instead of the force of division and discrimination.

● Judging hurts people. No one like to feel judged and left out. Sometimes we do not realize how our words and actions can negatively impact someone. Just think of bullying and suicide. Think of how someone self esteem can be impacted by the judgment of others. Take time to understand how your attitude can negatively impact someone else.

● Judging does not make you the better person. Judging others stops you from becoming your best self. Instead of focusing on others, focus on yourself. Spend your energy bettering your life and you will attract people that wants and deserve to be with you.

● Judging affects your ability to listen to your guts feeling. They are like a strong wind that pushes you to take important decision strictly on emotions instead of a balance of emotions and facts.

We all judge, often without noticing it. It requires lot of self awareness to analyze our own behaviour and change these habits. I hope this article helps you reflect on your relationship with others. In the world we are living in, we need more acceptance and less judgement. We can all be part of the driving force that makes world a better place. As Thomas Rett sings: Be the light.

“"Be A Light" (feat. Keith Urban, Chris Tomlin, Hillary Scott & Reba McEntire)

In a time full of war, be peace In a time full of doubt, just believe Yeah, there ain't that much difference between you and me In a time full of war, be peace In a world full of hate, be a light When you do somebody wrong, make it right Don't hide in the dark, you were born to shine In a world full of hate, be a light In a place that needs change, make a difference In a time full of noise, just listen 'Cause life is but a breeze, better live it In a place that needs a change, make a difference In a race that you can't win, slow it down Yeah, you only get one go around 'Cause the finish line is six feet in the ground In a race you can't win, just slow it down Yeah, it's hard to live in color When you just see black and white In a world full of hate, be a light “