THE LIES WE TELL OURSELVES

Written by Coach Kim Edited by Marla Reese Martin

The mind is a powerful engine that can entertain us with amazing stories, stress us with small triggers, and develop scenarios about our perceived reality. We all listen to a little voice in our head daily. Our past, our imagination, and our feelings develop a message that we tell ourselves. This message has a huge effect on our life and our decisions. Most of our barriers in life come from ourselves and the little voice in our heads. This little voice is not always right, because it bases the message on perception, denial, and fear. Have you ever wondered what are the common lies we tell ourselves? Here are a few lies I’ve told myself in the past and how they have transformed my life.

You can’t do it!

Nothing is impossible, the word says it I’M-possible. So why do we discourage ourselves before even starting a project or taking an action? When the voice tells you “you cannot do it” just answer; “YOU can’t! I can, and I will show you!” Obviously, you may not succeed the first time or the second time, and it is okay. Life is a learning process, and you cannot stop yourself from living because you may fail. People who fail are the ones who never tried. People who tries and fail always come out with life experience and a good story! So be nice to yourself and believe in yourself!

I am alone!

Over 7,000,000,000 people on earth, I strongly doubt that you are alone. You may feel lonely, but you are not alone. The good thing about loneliness is that it can help you build mental strength and help you learn to know yourself. The bad side is that too much loneliness can end up in depression and isolation. You have the power to end loneliness by surrounding yourself with people that shares similar values or interests to yours. Join a club, go out for coffee or hang out at the beach. Smile to people you cross paths with, and do not be afraid to approach people and talk to them. Remember, if that one person does not want to talk to you, there are 6,999,999,999 more people you can reach out to!

People around me are all happier than I am!

There is no perfect life. Some people may just be better actors than you are! Everyone faces struggles at times. The difference is how you face it. It is common to see two people in the same situation but handle it in a very different way. Your happiness is personal. If you look at what you have instead of what you do not have, your life will not look as bad. If you try to find the positive side of negative event, it will help you to see things differently. Many people base their perception of others’ happiness on their social media account. Facebook is really Fakebook, so do not believe everything you see or hear. If someone did you wrong and their life seems to be going perfectly when you feel like yours is falling apart, remember that this is just your perception. If their life is amazing, good for them. It does not take anything away from your happiness. You must focus on your happiness and less on others.

It is not my fault!

I have never encountered a situation where it was all white or all black. There is always a grey area. It may not be 50% your fault; maybe it is just 5% your fault. It is important to find out what you can learn from it to avoid repeating the same situation over and over again. You have to be honest enough to sit back and look at yourself. Most of the time it is not even important whose fault it is, but rather how we will fix it. If you know you have done something wrong, instead of convincing yourself that it is the other person’s fault, apologize and talk it out. If it is impossible, walk away and recognize how you will act differently next time.

If I let it go, it’s like saying they were right!

Letting go of a situation has nothing to do with who is right. Letting go and moving on is deciding that your mental health and happiness mean more than your anger toward someone or something. Letting go is accepting that no matter what you could have done, the results would have been the same. Forgiving and forgetting are very different. Sometimes you need to forgive yourself, but do not forget because you want to make sure you never make the same mistake again. If you forgive someone, you are deciding that the wrong they have done to you shall not continue to affect your future and your chance at happiness. You do not forget the betrayal and may never trust them again, but you choose to walk away and surround yourself with loving and caring people. The road moving forward is brighter than the road you came from.

I am a terrible parent!

People who think they are bad parents are usually the best ones! One day, my child fell off the couch. I had my hand on her tummy, but I turned to talk to my toddler. I remember feeling terrible, like I had failed at parenting that day. She cried, but she was fine. I think I was more hurt than she was! Then I started to think about what makes me a good mom. My kids are raised in a safe and healthy household. They are loved and know it. They have opportunities to develop their full potential by interacting with others and trying new things. My kids are learning important values to become decent citizen. I am not a perfect mom. No one is, but I raised them with my heart and I am doing my best. There are ton of books on parenting, but the knowledge comes with the experience.

I hope this article on the lies you tell yourself will have brought some insight about yourself! What are the lies you tell yourself? Comment below and share with your friends!