When did you stop dating yourself

Written by Kim Miller

Edited by Marla Reese Martin

This article is for everyone, no matter if you are single, married, dating or in a casual relationship. When did you stop dating yourself?

What dating yourself is not:

Dating yourself is not going to the grocery store alone without the kids. I agree that it can feel like the sweetest escape at the time, but this isn’t quality time.

Dating yourself is not having your friend cancel plans and you deciding to go anyway.

Dating yourself is not going to a family dinner alone because you couldn’t find someone to come as your pretend boyfriend to avoid grandma questioning why you are still single!

Dating yourself is not having lunch alone with your headphones on, because you don’t know anyone, and you don’t feel like making new friends.

Dating yourself is not going to the mall because you are bored at home. This is just filling your spare time by creating material needs.

Dating yourself is not going to a bar with the hopes of meeting your soulmate or mister right now. This is called going fishing for the catch of a lifetime, although you would probably have more success at the closest coffee shop!

Dating yourself is committing the same energy to yourself as you would for a date with someone else. If you spend hours planning your next date with your husband, don’t you think you deserve just as much? You make plans with your friends and look forward to it. Do you look forward to taking yourself out? Everyone has judged someone eating alone at a restaurant at least once. We secretly wonder: were they stood up by their date? Do they have friends? When really, we should think that person makes time for the most important person in their life: themselves! That person is so comfortable with themselves that they can face the world and have fun alone! Dating yourself when you are in a relationship is healthy. Often in relationships we expect our partner to give us the attention we need. By giving yourself attention and making yourself a priority you release some of the expectations you have toward your partner. Taking care of yourself means a healthier you, and everyone will benefit from it, even your kids!

It’s funny, because I’ve noticed that often we would prefer going out with someone we barely like more than going out alone. Last month, I took myself on a road trip. I booked a hotel room and got one ticket to a show I have been dying to see for months. The lady at the box office repeated twice: one ticket, are you sure? As I walked in the stadium, I could see that 90% of people attending were couples, and 10% were with friends. None were alone. As I was waiting in line to order the most expensive glass of cheap wine I’ve ever paid for, I could hear the couple behind me arguing for what seemed to be a ridiculous reason (in the girl’s defense, she was right. Her boyfriend’s shirt did not match her outfit!). Then there was the very drunk girl walking around being loud and using her friends as crutches! Her friends did not look impressed nor entertained! I finally paid for my wine and went to my seat. As I was trying to figure out why wine in plastic cup tastes so bad, I could see that most couples around me were on their phone not talking to each other. Then I understood: they were alone but with someone. That night I danced in the stadium like I was the only person there; I spent one hour doing my hair and makeup; and I wore lingerie just to feel pretty! I didn’t do it for someone else. I did it for me, because I deserved it! The hours I spent planning this weekend and the hours of driving built up the anticipation and made me appreciate the moment even more.

I will end this article with one question: When are you going to date yourself?

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