Your confidence was shaken, now what?

Written by Coach Kim

Edited by Marla Reese Martin

There are moments in life where we feel invincible. Everything is going well, and nothing can stop us. Then, out of no where, an unexpected event happens, and suddenly we start doubting everything. We doubt our ability to succeed, our strength to get over roadblocks, and even our values and life choices. Don’t worry. It happens to everyone. Several years ago, I was in the best shape of my life. I had a great family, and I was actively looking to embark on a new career path. One night, I woke up and went to the bathroom. I fell and hit my head two times before losing consciousness. In that one moment, I had injured my brain. Little did I know the road to recovery would be challenging. For months, my body was weak. I couldn’t train anymore, I couldn’t walk my kids to the bus stop, and I didn’t see how I would ever be myself again. I was scared to go anywhere or do anything. I had a trip booked to visit my family across the country, and the simple idea of going to the airport was causing me anxiety. Then my therapist told me two very powerful words: so what? I didn’t know what to say. I reflected on these words a lot for the following days. What could he see that I couldn’t? He saw the possibilities, which we often loose sight of when our confidence is shaken. Once I had acknowledged that this was a bump on the road and not the end, I started to take meaningful actions to help me regain my self-confidence. Slowly, I started to push my limits, little by little, and eventually I was stronger than I ever was. Regardless of what caused you to doubt yourself or your ability to succeed, you can do it too.

Celebrate your victories, even the small ones. As you are going through a rough phase, it is easy to overlook your successes. Sometimes, just getting dressed and going out is a victory. Look at what you have done today or this week and be proud. No victory is too small.

Do the “mirror” exercise repeatedly. When you are discouraged and can’t see your own beauty or strength anymore, look at yourself in a mirror. As you are looking at yourself, name three things you love about yourself. Keep looking at yourself until you have found three aspects of yourself that you love. At first, it may be challenging but make it a habit every time you pass in front of a mirror. Even when no one is telling you why you are wonderful, you still deserve to hear it.

Practice daily gratitude. Sometimes, what we don’t have overshadows what we do have. Counting our blessings daily is a simple exercise that can really help you appreciate what you have. When you realize how lucky you are to have these things, what you are missing becomes a source of motivation and no longer a source of your unhappiness.

Don’t be afraid to take on new challenges. Pushing your own limits is a wonderful way to challenge yourself. Once you’ve done something you didn’t think was possible, you get a rush of adrenaline. At that moment, you may feel like you are unstoppable. Enjoy the moment. Even better, journal about it. How do you feel? What else do you want to achieve? Write as many details as possible, so next time your confidence is shaken you can read you journal. If you did it once, you can do it again.

Invest in the most important person in your life: you. Personal and professional developments are closely related to happiness. Happy people display a higher level of self-confidence. Learning is a great way to boost your morale as well. When you gain new knowledge, it opens your mind to different views. You may even discover new unknown talents. To maximize the benefits, make sure to choose a subject that you are passionate about. I take continuous self-development courses on subjects that interest me, because I love learning. I also feel that that my knowledge helps me become the best version of myself.

Surround yourself with positive like-minded people. Surrounding yourself with people sharing similar views and ambition will help you get motivated to achieve your goals. There is nothing more inspiring than having people cheering you on as you are struggling to believe in yourself.

Fake it until you make it. When you smile you activate neural messages to your brain. A simple smile can trigger the release of neuropeptides as well as mood-boosting neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin. These help you feel happy and confident. Your brain doesn’t differentiate a fake or a real smile. So, keep smiling, and try to laugh as much as you can. This will help you find real reason to smile.

Dress for success. Dress in a way you feel comfortable and pretty. The time you spend taking care of yourself is time well invested. So put on that cute outfit, get dolled up, and be proud of your appearance. Feeling good in your skin will help you feel good about yourself, therefore boosting your self-confidence.

Take time for yourself. Even when your schedule is packed, you should always take time for yourself. Where is your happy place? What makes you happy? I find my happy place each time I step onto a wooded trail. I feel energized, and I suddenly know that everything will be fine. I also get all my best ideas while hiking. Why? Because this is where I feel carefree. When is the last time you felt free and unencumbered? Taking time to center yourself helps you see the way moving forward.

Everyone has moments where they doubt themselves. Life is like the ocean; there are highs and lows, but don’t let it affect your self-confidence. Your value doesn’t depend on your constant success but on your ability to ride the waves regardless of the highs and lows. I believe in you. If you need help, reach out to me, and let’s see how we can get your self-confidence back!